Zapp!

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 19:16:03 +0100

The flu struck me suddenly on Friday 5 p.m.

Nothing like a weekend tied to the couch, too weak to make it to the computer or to lift a book up to nose level. So I find my limp existence forced into a not quite upright position by a huge pillow, clutching the "telecommander 360S" which dates back to the days when infrared was state of the art. Color TV! Let's see what's on!

Guy pokes angry crocodile with stick. All in the sense of purest scientific research I assume. - Zapp.

I learn that it took the Maori a mere 100 years to drive the majority of New Zealand's wildlife to extinction. Such is the human race. Extraterrestrials: keep your planets safely out of range. - Zapp.

After only eight years the Kyoto climate change treaty comes into force. World polluter no.1 still refuses to partake. Too expensive, states acclaimed economist George W. Bush. - Zapp.

A few days before the Oscars Hollywood wears fur flip-flops and takes up knitting for a hobby. It is a harsh winter indeed... +11°C... so where's that "greenhouse effect" now? - Zapp.

Famous go-go dancer J-Lo is being asked if she thinks that guy on stage can determine the exact speed of a car by the sound of its tires. Knowing about absolute pitch she says, yes, he can do it. Well, it turns out he can't. But we don't want to jump to conclusions here. I bet J-Lo does have a second note in her repertoire. She's just saving it up. - Zapp.

"5,000 Euros for the answer to the following question: Which of these traffic signs do really exist? Anyone? No one?" Car country remains silent. And if you ever crossed a street in Germany you know why. - Zapp.

"Get the GDR anthem ring tone for your cell phone!" Sorry but I don't have a cell phone. My parents forgot to file an application when I was born. - Zapp.

After many, many hours of zapping back and forth I discover a report on the Large Hadron Collider at CERN. Stranded in particle zen garden, feverish and exhausted I consider retiring to a better world deep down in the mountains. Nerd-Neverland. Oh... and aren't those the guys who invented HTML?

Meurglys waves. :)

NEXT: A Few Words on Max Goldt From a Confessing Food Snapshooter